Thursday, May 15, 2003 :: 3:28:00 AM

Song of choice: Bridge over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel

Yet another early morning post... can you tell when I do the most reflecting? It's always been right before I go to bed, just as I'm sure it is for all of you as well. I've decided to add a new twist to my blog. It's really easy for people to have "songs of the moment", but not many people actually have them playing on the pages when their current blog loads up. I started it yesterday with "My Way - Frank Sinatra", easily one of my favourites, and a song that I definately want played after I'm gone.

There's a depressing topic. For those of you who dont like topics that dont make u feel happy, please skip to the next paragraph, although I'm sure not a single person who reads this actually will skip it. Has anyone ever felt like they're not going to last for all that much longer? I mean, ever get the impression that you just cant picture yourself old? That's been happening to me more and more lately. And I dont mean "what ifs", I mean seriously believing that I am not one who will experience old age. I'd ask if I was alone with this thought, but my message board appears to be down, along with the entire hosting service's website... But anyway, have you ever thought about it? I definately have, to the point that I actually want to start writing some letters to those who are the closest to me to be given to them if (knock on wood) such a thing were to happen. But I know those who are supposed to know actually know how I feel, so the point to the letters would be pointless, no? Meh.. my brain is scary sometimes... be thankful that you dont live my life. Cuz if u did, you'd be a flabby 20 year old goofy looking, underachieving male who always trips on steps cuz he cant ever see 'em. lol

OK! done with the sad talk. I guess I should explain that last bit.

"Why can you not see steps?"

Well the answer to that is very simple. They go up and down. lol... go with me here. I have a lazy eye. Not so lazy anymore since I had my operation at the ripe ol' age of 5 and had the muscle that was pulling the eye over to the side snipped. But regardless, even now, I have a lazy eye. You'll really notice it if I dont wear my glasses for extended periods of time, if I'm exhausted, or have one of my head-crushing headaches. THAT, ladies and gents, is the reason I wear glasses. My glasses dont help with my vision at all. In fact, if you haven't heard me complain at one point or another that I can actually see better without my glasses than with them, you probably dont know me or haven't spent that much time with me. The lone reason I have glasses is to keep that bloody eye focused forward.

But that's not all. My brain is also messed up. Here's my theory as to why my brain is messed up:

It can only take the signal from each of my eyes individually. Now I'm not saying I cant see out of both eyes at the same time, that's not it at all. It's kind of hard to explain. Picture having a hose, and put one end of that hose on the tap, and the other to the bucket and start filling it up with water.

Tap = My eyes
Hose = Nerves and such carrying picture to brain
Bucket = Brain

Now say you were to split that hose in the middle somewhere into two, and have 2 hoses come from it. Put both of those hoses into the bucket. The signal of both of my eyes are getting to my brain, but they aren't being put together the way they should, so as a result of that, I cant see in total 3 dimensions.

"FREAK!!!!!!"

Who said that?!?!

I'll use my analogy to help you understand how I see. Just look at a photograph. A photograph is a 2D image created from a 3D source image. THAT is how I see.
Or better yet, throw a dime onto an empty table (or anything, really), and get down so your eyes are at table level, and close one eye. Next, without moving your head to get a different angle of view, hover your index finger over the table so it is pointing straight down, and try to move your finger down to come down exactly on top of that coin.
or better yet, just walk around with a patch on one eye for a day. Covering one eye eliminates your 3-dimensional vision.

Anyway, over time I have learned to compensate. I have rewired my brain, so to speak, to understand depth without actually being able to see it fully. For example, people will often hold out 2 hands in front of me and ask which is closer to me.. my response? "duh... the bigger one"

simple things like that have helped me grow up. Now my brain simply associates the larger of the two images as the one that is closer, so in a sense, I see depth.. just in a different way.

trippy? confused yet? lol
it's like you trying to explain to me how a photo looks different to you than the real image.. it's hard to do, but I think I did quite well.

Alright! so we've established (for those of you who haven't had a firm belief in this already) that I'm a freak. WOOHOO!

Anywho, Kyle is sleepy tonite... He stayed up late last night planning something really big which you will know about when you are supposed to know. I'm sure one person will be pleasantly surprised... Do they read my blog? I'm not too sure.. or am I? or am I just bullshittin' you? The Matrix has you.....

Anyway all, hoped you liked my song of choice for this time around....

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::