Saturday, May 31, 2003 :: 9:19:00 PM

Song of choice: Uninvited - Alanis Morissette

I've been really bummed the last few days (weeks?).

But first let me go through how my job is going. It's going well... Sitting in the car all day waiting for a truck to come by is a ton of fun... *rolls eyes*... I've been listening to the Mix 99.9 on the radio practically non-stop for a week and have noticed that they play the same bloody songs over and over and over again all day... it's really funny, but most of it is good music so I have no problems. I've also got my new cell phone - for those of you who want the number, just ask me. I went with Fido, and for $150 I got the phone, and 4 months of service including voice mail, text messages, and call display. I figure after that time I'll be at school, and I'll just switch over to Pay as you Go cuz I'll have my own phone at school anyway..

Anyway, the job, as mentioned, is going well. The first couple of days it was kinda slow, but that's just because I wasn't really needed. So I basically used it to get used to the environment and the people. They're all great people, and seem to be really close with eachother. They made it easy for me to feel welcome there.

As far as MY job goes, I *actually* started on Thursday. I was out on the job site and started taking the tickets from the truckers. It's actually really difficult to keep track of a stretch of road and make sure u nail all the trucks coming in and out. And my job is more dangerous than I had originally thought! I'll walk along side the trucks as they're dumping so that the guy never needs to stop. He'll hand me his ticket through the window and I'll sign it and hand it back... that's all in the far right lane... 1 (ONE!) lane over there is live traffic... so all I have between me and the traffic is about a foot and a half of breathing space... not a comfy feeling, but it needs to be done. Now I know why they got me to fill out death and dismemberment forms before taking the job...

So how has my life outside of work been? Well when I'm not sleeping (and even sometimes when I am) I've been doing a lot of reflecting.. looking back on my past and thinking about all the things that I've done wrong that may, if they were done another way, have gotten me what I want today. But I'm sure a ton of you already do that, or have done it at least once. It's not a good feeling, I know... because hindsight is always 20/20.. well, in most cases at least. But sometimes, just sometimes, there are instances where hindsight isn't 20/20... does that mean that the future of those instances aren't meant to conclude to anything more than just instances? I often wish I knew the answer to this question.

I've also been thinking a lot about my future.. about what it is that I want, and about what I can do now to not get to a point sometime down the road where I look back and think of this point of my life as just a scheme of instances all jumbled together. I dont see that happening, though. I know I'm going to be successful. I know that. I'm not trying to be cocky, but I know I'll do very well for myself because I will choose to do well for myself. But what does that matter? it doesn't. Not if I dont have anyone to share everything with. Wealth, possessions, personal happiness. I can have wealth, and I can own whatever I wish... but where does the personal happiness come from?

I'm reminded of a movie called Sweet November. ugh, Keanu Reeves, I know.... but I've often wished for that to be my life.. well, the first half of the movie, anyway. (For those that have seen it, you'll know what I'm talking about... those that haven't, go rent it. it's a great story.) I've always wanted that. Unconditional love. Giving up millions, my job, and my life to be with a girl because I know I could never live without her. Making money is easy. Making a relationship is impossible. At least it is for me. I'd give up everything, and do anything. I like to consider myself to be a genuinely caring guy, one who listens and knows how to laugh... someone who can talk. But that has never seemed to be enough.

Which leads me to a topic of conversation that I mentioned earlier regarding the SubTitle of my site: Gettin' screwed while everyone else is gettin' laid. A buddy of mine from school and I were talking about this not too long ago. We were talking about how, at this stage in our lives, nice guys like us always finish last in the relationship department. May I direct you to a website authored by his friend: How an Ass Gets Laid. (and may I tell you that the "Kyle" mentioned on that page isn't me.) Basically it states that women will generally - but not always - go for the "asshole" rather than the guy who will buy her flowers or open the door for her. And also on that page is a step by step method for guys like me that, if followed, will guarantee a relationship. Now I'll give things up and change aspects of my life for a girl, but I'll never change who I am to get one, and I'm not about to "act like an asshole" just to ensure a relationship. But although I may not agree with the rules posted on the site, the meaning is very agreeable for me.

Now a theory like that is very cynical, I know. And I know that if "that feeling" isn't there, then a relationship would be impossible. But it's kind of hard to see that side of it logically from the opposite standpoint.

Which leads me to another personal question. How did I become "the guy to talk to about relationships and problems withm" and not the one that actually could be considered to be "relationship material" ? And if you think I'm talking about you, I want to stress that I'm not. I'd never single someone out in this blog (well... almost never). I can think of at least a half-dozen of you out there who see me as the former. And that's ok! Trust, value, and friendship are all important to me. Very important. But the "that feeling" feeling is also important.

Meh.. I dont know. They always say that love appears when you stop looking for it. Maybe I should stop looking? I mean, I have been for about 4 months now and I'm not any closer now than I was then.. And I look back to my previous relationships and neither one of them started when I was actually looking for a relationship. The first relationship I had happened outta the blue. I was invited to a party from someone who I considered to just be a friend of mine. Anyway, I didn't even go to it for reasons I cant remember. I think I was at my brothers place? anyway.. she kept talking to me and eventually we started dating. My next relationship started because we were alone one night and started talking about the "what ifs", and realized that we both wanted to try something. I wasn't actively looking for a relationship with either one of them, but the relationship found us... maybe I should wait for an instance like that again... did I say instance? oye...

*sigh* ok, enough of that... I dont want to beat a dead horse here. As you will find, I often just end up running in circles whenever I explain how I feel sometimes... you'll have to forgive me. and I also apologize for not keeping this blog up to date, but with my full time job now, I just have no "get up and go" left in me.. I'll write more when I can.

Until next time.....
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Monday, May 26, 2003 ::

Song of choice: You'll Never Walk Alone - Elvis Presley

When life hands you lemons, make dish detergent.

until next time......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Sunday, May 25, 2003 ::

Song of choice: I Wont Dance - Frank Sinatra

So, I took a week away from blogging... but I assure you that it hasn't gone to waste! I've done a ton of work on my website (for those of you who dont know, you can visit it here).. And while you're at it, I would really appreciate it if you would sign the guestbook, submit an answer to the poll, and post in my "huh?!" section...

On top of that, I've been hard at work trying to cover up that nasty BLOGGER banner at the top of this page.. (which I'm sure you saw while the page was loading). I've done it! But not totally the way I wished.. right now, my "blog" is only centered on monitors running 1024x768... which seems to be the norm these days.. anyone running anything higher, you'll see the banner sticking outta the top right.. but meh - sucks to be you!).

Alright folks, it's time to catch up on a weeks worth of activities.. I posted last monday afternoon, and I'm sorry to report that my VCR is STILL mad at me (or dead.. dont know how to tell the difference).. looks like Mr. VHS is gonna get a talking to.... *lightbulb* I know!!! I'll stick in a tape of Plan 9 From Outer Space... THAT will show it! haha... teach all the VCR's of the world to respect me.....

ok! Monday night = nothing.

Tuesday I am presented with something. My brother tells me that there's a job opening on a highway construction site in Caledon. I smile, but think that I'm happy with my job at the theater.. I'm really psyched about working there and getting to know the people. That was my Tuesday.

Wednesday is when it all starts. I'm told that I need to make a choice... in short, this new job would pay me more than twice as much as the theater would, and give me almost twice as many hours... that works out to approximately 4x's as much as I'd be making at the theater for the summer... is there a question here??? I dont know.. anywho, I get really emotional at the thought of not working with a bunch of people that clicked with me instantly... it was really strange.. for the orientation a couple weeks ago, I was among the oldest there.. most of them were 17-19 years old, and I guess they took a liking to me.. they hung off of everything that I said, and actually asked me questions to promote me to talk more.. that *rarely* ever happens! it was a good feeling. Anyway, I got really emotional when I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I NEEDED the money from this other job, and it was foolish not to take it. I ended up bawling on the phone to my brother when I explained this to him. but in any case, after that, in the end - I accepted the job and quit the theater.

Thursday it continues. Kevin (for those that dont know, my brother) set up meetings for me with the boss, co-workers, and a few others. All were great people. I had to go through a Health and Safety thing with Greg - the superior to my brother, but subordinate to Roy, the Big Boss.... (affectionally called "Uncle Roy" by his employees.. if you met him, you'd know why). Then we went out to the "Site Office", the office out on the job site. I met Zammin (dont know how to spell his name yet so I spelled it phonetically). He's gonna be the dude that I report to. We started talking, and he took a real interest in my knowledge about computers, and it sounded like he'll be using me in the office, too. We'll see how that turns out.

Oh, I haven't explained my job yet! Dont worry, it's easy... my day starts at sun-up and I work 'till sun-down, Monday-Friday (with the occasional Saturday). I'm on my feet all day out on the highway (Highway 10, WAY north.. up in the Boonies in Caledon.. 10 minutes from where I *first* used to ride, btw.. it was the first place I had riding lessons, the first place I went to for a riding camp, and the first place I got my first certificate for jumping a course! ooo.. I was good.. I still have all my ribbons and certificates and everything somewhere, but they're all packed away in a box.. I'll write more about my riding career some other time). Anyway, my job will require me to watch out for trucks on the job-site coming in with the paving materials... the stuff in the road.. and it's my job to sign tickets saying that they're carrying exactly what they should be carrying. Then write reports on them at the end of the day. Fun, huh???

Friday - I wake up with yet another headache. The day that I was supposed to go to The Woodlands, I'm stuck at home in bed with what feels like a balloon inside of my head being blown up.. I've gotta tell you, picture a headache you get, and multiply it by about a billion... I start to sweat, my eyes start to go blood-shot, droopy, and glazed.. my speech will slur, and I want nothing more than to get a drill and just make a hole in my head and back of my neck to release the pressure... I've been getting them for about 15 years. My doctor never believed my parents or myself when we told him about my bad headaches.. he just said take tylenol. Anyway, I went into him one day while I had a headache, and he looked into my eye with his little parascope-light thingy that lets him see in the back of my eyes.. and his words were "holy shit"... literally.. he couldn't believe what he saw. My reply? (remember, I was in about grade 7 or 8 at the time) "no shit!"

him - Holy Shit!
me - No Shit!

it was almost comical. lol

anyway, he gave me a script for caffeine pills... basically their function is to diolate the blood vessles in my head, speed up my blood, and hopefully remove the pressure in my head. They work, sometimes... but I occasionally have to have in excess of 750mg of caffeine (5 full pills) to get these buggers to go away...

anyway, back to the point of my blog - catching up on the week... that was friday - I spent the rest of Friday in... I was going to visit Jessica at Bingo, but I wasn't up to driving long distances in the rain. I was far too jumpy from the pills that I took earlier in the day, and shouldn't have been driving.

Saturday - this morning... I get up around noonish.. Get clean and dressed, and I head over to square 1 to return a pair of pants I got for Easter. I then go into Champs looking for some shirts. I see some I like, and guess what??? T-Shirts, regular $15.99, on sale for 4 for $29.99! what a deal! I get four... A red one, a white one with a black collar, another white one with a black stripe across the chest, and a black one with a grey/white stripe across the chest. Really nice shirts for the price.

I also went shopping for a Cell Phone. I'll more than likely need one this summer for my job. The way I saw it was Fido is the way to go. They wouldn't require me to sign up for a year or two years... they had a nice phone that was pretty cheap (Click Here to see the phone I'm talking about). and I'll be able to get 300 minutes a month, voice mail, caller id, and 100 text messages I can send, all for $30/month. Great price, great phone, billed to the second, no contract... WHAT MORE IS THERE TO LOOK FOR?!

Anyway, I came home and wasted the rest of the afternoon.. Got *another* headache tonite... god, I thought I was growing out of them... this week has just been killer.

And that brings me to now!

me thinks it's about time that I delve into my mind and write about something different from my day-to-day activities. Stay tuned for that. It will be regarding the SubTitle of my site: Gettin' screwed while everyone else is gettin' laid. watch out for that.

Until next time......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Monday, May 19, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Friends in Low Places - Garth Brooks

I promised I'd write more today... One thing I have to say about yesterday's blog....
Matt, I was very careful and selective with my words not to use your name. But because you freely used mine, I might as well say yours too.

This is not a "blog war" or a "duel"... a war or duel usually has 2 sides... this only has one.. this is more like a "Blog Jumping", or "Blog Jacking"..... yes. I jacked your blog... take that, foo!

for those of you who would like to read about what the heck is going on, head over to this blog, and you'll see what I've been talking about.

My final two cents on the topic, I stand by my comments made yesterday. And Matt, if you have such a problem with people taking your blog out of context... if you have such a problem with people just not understanding your meaning........ then maybe it's not the readers fault.

....in the words of Forrest Gump: "And that's all I have to say about that." consider the 'jacking' over with.

I had a rather late night.. it was light outside when I finally got to sleep... for no real reason at all. Nothing was keeping me up, and I had nothing on my mind.. it was just one of those nights.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my neighbour turning on and off then back on, then off again, then on.... etc etc etc... his lawnmower... he's still going at it. I dont know what he's doing... *confused look*

so that has been my day so far. I've had my shower... shaved off my sideburns (as you'll see from that cartoon over on the right there >>>...
and still mildly upset that my VCR doesn't work...

wait a sec.. *lightbulb*... my sister has the same TV/VCR as me... I'll just switch 'em! =D

*evil grin*

anywho.. I'm out.. might write more later.

Until next time......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Song of choice: She Believes in Me - Kenny Rogers

Alright people. The blog thing is not going to die! I will keep it alive!

And as for my Songs of Choice, dont pester me on my selections. lol... They're not meant to be a report of the MM Top 10... I go through my MP3 database and post songs that I think are great, but that you probably haven't heard of, or heard for a long time.

I haven't posted in the last few days because, well, nothing has happened...

We started opening up the back yard today.. tomorrow we hit the pool..

I cut the grass again today! I must say it's starting to green up... I'll post pictures some time later.. I know I know... Who wants to look at pictures of my front lawn? Well, I know you probably dont.. but it's stupid little things like that which is just past the "stupid line" that draws people in and wonder what it's about. lol

ok.. so what have I done since Thursday? well.... Friday I got up at about noon to go out and buy movie tickets for that night. (y'all still owe me for those tickets too!).. after buying the tickets, because I was in the area, I decided to drop in on my former employers.. Have I mentioned them? They were a steady summer income for me until they canned me cuz they realized they were paying me too much to do a job that they could get a volunteer to do for free.. all of this after they asked me to sign a contract with them... it was a crazy situation..)

Alright... so anyway, I got there.. she (the female of the two owners.. her partner is also her husband) asked me about summer employment and if I had a job.. I told her I was hired at the Coliseum... She had this real "what are you doing?" look on her face... she seems to think I should be doing something a little more career oriented.. so she looked in her database of clients and pulled out 65 companies in the GTA with "Telecommunications" (what I'm studying) in their name... after not being able to get the database to print cuz it was so large, she decided to just search in Mississauga and pulled out 16.. I'll start calling around sometime this week and see... anyway, I left there and went home where I worked on my webpage for a couple hours. By this time my sister had gone to spend the night at her friends house in hamilton.. (my parents left the night before for a couple nights up north). so I was alone.. meh.. anyway, after a while, I got ready, and headed out to see the movie..

That brings us to Friday night. Christa, Ferhanna, Jessica, and myself went out to see The Matrix: Reloaded... movie summed up in one word? crap. complete and utter crap. Why does everyone think Trinity is so hot? granted she doesn't look that bad in her "Matrix" outfit.. but IMHO she's completely average looking... now I'm not saying she's ugly or anything like that! lol... far from it.. but "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOT" just isn't a word that I'd use to describe her. Anyway, after the movie we went to Tim Hortons where Chris and Erin decided to meet us... It got really weird after that.. and I wasn't the only one who felt it. It's as if once all of us were sitting there, nobody had anything constructive to say to anyone... very very strange indeed.

Then this was followed by a whole lotta sleep, my parents coming home, and more sleep... (paraphrasing in interest of time.. however the real events happened a lot like that, yea..)

Enough posting about my days.. It's time to RANT baby!!!!!

I read something in someone's blog tonite that just makes me sit and laugh. "Trinity is sooooo hot. Actually all women are hot, but that's a different story." Ok, comments like this are only made by very small human beings. I mean, come on.. get real.. where does someone get off by saying "all women are hot"? At first you may think it's a complement to women, but think about it... this person is totally objectifying women. If this was just an isolated incident then fine... but come on... it seems as if this individual has to comment on every female that they happen to bump into. 1) you're making yourself look really small. 2) you're making yourself seem really desparate. 3) it's just not right to (hate to use the word over again) objectify females like that.. whether that was your intent or not, that's how it comes across.... even if u didn't mean it, it still makes you really small and makes you seem really desparate.

I'm sorry, I usually wouldn't eat someone's personal thoughts out like that, but that just made me sit and laugh at the person when I read it.

A dear friend of mine died tonite. My VCR in my room... it no longer is a VCR.. more like a AP (Audio Player)... u put a tape in and it's just a black screen with the sound playing. Meh..

Oh! I've been really looking forward to something. I spoke of it (I think) somewhere in a recent post.. Planning a trip. I've been talking to Jessica recently about getting away for a few days in July to NewYork City... Hopefully something comes from that. If it would, that would be absolute crazyness.. Best part is that thanks to the Canadian Government who gives me an income tax cheque for not even having a steady yearly income, I might have enough money to pull it off! It'd actualy be a relatively inexpensive trip... we'll see what the future brings!

I'm supposed to end this blog soon so someone can go to bed... so I'll do just that....
catch y'all on the flip side... I promise to write more tomorrow.

Until next time.....
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Thursday, May 15, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Bridge over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel

Yet another early morning post... can you tell when I do the most reflecting? It's always been right before I go to bed, just as I'm sure it is for all of you as well. I've decided to add a new twist to my blog. It's really easy for people to have "songs of the moment", but not many people actually have them playing on the pages when their current blog loads up. I started it yesterday with "My Way - Frank Sinatra", easily one of my favourites, and a song that I definately want played after I'm gone.

There's a depressing topic. For those of you who dont like topics that dont make u feel happy, please skip to the next paragraph, although I'm sure not a single person who reads this actually will skip it. Has anyone ever felt like they're not going to last for all that much longer? I mean, ever get the impression that you just cant picture yourself old? That's been happening to me more and more lately. And I dont mean "what ifs", I mean seriously believing that I am not one who will experience old age. I'd ask if I was alone with this thought, but my message board appears to be down, along with the entire hosting service's website... But anyway, have you ever thought about it? I definately have, to the point that I actually want to start writing some letters to those who are the closest to me to be given to them if (knock on wood) such a thing were to happen. But I know those who are supposed to know actually know how I feel, so the point to the letters would be pointless, no? Meh.. my brain is scary sometimes... be thankful that you dont live my life. Cuz if u did, you'd be a flabby 20 year old goofy looking, underachieving male who always trips on steps cuz he cant ever see 'em. lol

OK! done with the sad talk. I guess I should explain that last bit.

"Why can you not see steps?"

Well the answer to that is very simple. They go up and down. lol... go with me here. I have a lazy eye. Not so lazy anymore since I had my operation at the ripe ol' age of 5 and had the muscle that was pulling the eye over to the side snipped. But regardless, even now, I have a lazy eye. You'll really notice it if I dont wear my glasses for extended periods of time, if I'm exhausted, or have one of my head-crushing headaches. THAT, ladies and gents, is the reason I wear glasses. My glasses dont help with my vision at all. In fact, if you haven't heard me complain at one point or another that I can actually see better without my glasses than with them, you probably dont know me or haven't spent that much time with me. The lone reason I have glasses is to keep that bloody eye focused forward.

But that's not all. My brain is also messed up. Here's my theory as to why my brain is messed up:

It can only take the signal from each of my eyes individually. Now I'm not saying I cant see out of both eyes at the same time, that's not it at all. It's kind of hard to explain. Picture having a hose, and put one end of that hose on the tap, and the other to the bucket and start filling it up with water.

Tap = My eyes
Hose = Nerves and such carrying picture to brain
Bucket = Brain

Now say you were to split that hose in the middle somewhere into two, and have 2 hoses come from it. Put both of those hoses into the bucket. The signal of both of my eyes are getting to my brain, but they aren't being put together the way they should, so as a result of that, I cant see in total 3 dimensions.

"FREAK!!!!!!"

Who said that?!?!

I'll use my analogy to help you understand how I see. Just look at a photograph. A photograph is a 2D image created from a 3D source image. THAT is how I see.
Or better yet, throw a dime onto an empty table (or anything, really), and get down so your eyes are at table level, and close one eye. Next, without moving your head to get a different angle of view, hover your index finger over the table so it is pointing straight down, and try to move your finger down to come down exactly on top of that coin.
or better yet, just walk around with a patch on one eye for a day. Covering one eye eliminates your 3-dimensional vision.

Anyway, over time I have learned to compensate. I have rewired my brain, so to speak, to understand depth without actually being able to see it fully. For example, people will often hold out 2 hands in front of me and ask which is closer to me.. my response? "duh... the bigger one"

simple things like that have helped me grow up. Now my brain simply associates the larger of the two images as the one that is closer, so in a sense, I see depth.. just in a different way.

trippy? confused yet? lol
it's like you trying to explain to me how a photo looks different to you than the real image.. it's hard to do, but I think I did quite well.

Alright! so we've established (for those of you who haven't had a firm belief in this already) that I'm a freak. WOOHOO!

Anywho, Kyle is sleepy tonite... He stayed up late last night planning something really big which you will know about when you are supposed to know. I'm sure one person will be pleasantly surprised... Do they read my blog? I'm not too sure.. or am I? or am I just bullshittin' you? The Matrix has you.....

Anyway all, hoped you liked my song of choice for this time around....

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Tuesday, May 13, 2003 ::

Song of choice: My Way - Frank Sinatra

It's been a looong few days. When did I last post? Aah yes, Saturday morning. Let me recap.

Saturday I got up late... 4:00. Jess and I had made plans for that evening, but it was up to me to decide exactly what those plans would be. I figured dinner would be in order, so after much debate on where to go, I looked all over the internet, took suggestions from friends.. we ended up at Kelsey's. We walked in to a hostess who (undoubtedly) thought we were a couple, just like *every* host/ess probably thinks whenever they serve us. We were seated and served by Mike, who to me, seemed like was having a very good evening. All smiles. He went through the specials.... excuse me, not specials, "features". He had a rather detailed discussion with us about the difference. Specials, you see, are not normally found on the menu. They are also slightly cheaper, and also a slightly larger meal. Wheras a "feature" is something that is straight off the menu, and is featured just to get some recognition.

Ok, so he went through the features. Cajun chicken alfredo pasta. Pasta? GOOD. Pasta Alfredo? GOOOOD. Chicken Alfredo pasta? GOOOOOOD. Cajun chicken alfredo pasta? GOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

Sold on the idea almost instantly, we both ordered the Kelsey's Feature. It lived up to my expectations. Diced boneless chicken pieces seasoned in cajun spices on top of a pasta with alfredo sauce, and garlic bread on the side.
Did I forget to mention that we shared a Potato Skins appetizer first? double yum!

Oh, and who could forget the Fudge Fantasy we shared after dinner, as a suggestion from Mike? picture a HUGE wineglass, in the bottom of this glass is chocolate brownie. covered in chocolate icecream, then vanilla icecream, then whipped cream with fudge brownie slices sticking out of it, and a cherry on top.
TRIPLE YUM!!!!!

After dinner it was decided that we didn't want to spend that much money, so we came back to my house for the rest of the night and talked for a while until my parents got home. After that, we pulled out a deck of cards. I learned very quickly that she doesn't know many games, and even the ones she DOES know, she's not very good at. ;o)
Stick to your day job, love. =P

I took her home, and that was the end of my Saturday. I couldn't have imagined a better night. =)

Sunday I got up. It was Mothers day. We took her out to brunch at a place called "Town and Country"... VERY good food.. I'll compare it to Tuckers, only for some reason I like Town and Country better.. hehe =P it's probably the stuffed cows they have all over.. =)

He wear no shoe shine
he got toejam football
he got monkey fingers
he shoots cocacola...

eep.. sorry... got my blog writing confused with my music listening... =\

so we took her out, got back here around 3:30ish, and the rest of the day was spent very low.. like, we did nothing. Sat around. Probably because all of us were so engorged with food that we couldn't move. At least that's how I felt. Lets recap what I had to eat, shall we?

I started off with breakfast. Bacon, scrambled eggs, breakfast sausage, and hashbrowns. MMMMMMMM!!!!!!
I followed that down with a big ol' glass of Orange Juice (Free with the buffet, of course. It's out there with all the other stuff).
Then after that I got a little daring. I went for some Ceasar Salad, with some Mac. Salad on the side. Both Very good.
more OJ.....
then after that (yes after that.. come on, did you honestly think I was done? It's a friggin' buffet!!!), Fajitas =D... actually, kind of a cross between a soft-taco and a fajita. Complete with rice, lettuce, tomato, and jalapeno peppers.. =D
more OJ.....
And after that (yes......) FRUIT!! Fresh pineapple, melon, the BIGGEST strawberries... AND watermelon! soooooooo good....
And after that (again.. buffet), they had the best bread pudding... omg.. if you've never had this before, you truly are missing out. it's the BEST stuff... it's SO good on it's own, but imagine that with a rum sauce over top.... *drooooool*... it was a little scoop of paradise....
more OJ.....

and that was all.... yes.. I know, a ton of you out there who know me are probably thinking "he doesn't eat that much, how could he possibly......?!?!" come on.. what are you supposed to do?! it's a buffet!

Alright, now I left the buffet bloated and tired... it really did seem like a good idea at the time! but I had an extra 10 lbs in my gut that I was hoofin' around.. it's not easy! lol

we got home, and like I said, the rest of the afternoon/evening was very low-key.

I went to sleep.

Monday... well well well... Monday... I get up at 11:00 ish on Monday morning so I can get out to the bank to get a blank voided cheque to give to Coliseum for they're payroll department. Put gas in the car for my mum cuz she has some travelling to do, and I go back home where I spend the rest of the day until 3. At 3 I decided I had time to waste, and I needed the exercise, so I took my bike out for a ride and ended up at The Woodlands. Went in and walked immediately to the Jazz room where Joanna started to flail her arms at the sight of me... Later on Natalie came out, caught up a lil on her totals *smug grin*, and went back in to play. I went up and found Ms. AB working frantically with June and a few other people on the Scribe. (For those who dont know, it's a literary publication that the school puts out at the end of every year of students work.) Sat there for 10 mins or so, went back down to the music room to find Natalie laying SITTING in the doorway. lol
Shortly after that I left.

Came back and went out to Coliseum's brain-washing session... err.. "orientation"... they compare themselves left and right to Disney World... how they want to have the same work environment.. even went as far as to show us movies about becoming an employee at disney. They make it seem like the happiest place on earth to work (Coliseum)... oye.. anyway, they paid us to sit there for 5 hours, and gave us free food...

There was another upside to all of this, of course... lol, but I'll talk more about her in another post...
aww, screw it, this post is already long, might as well make it longer.

I got there a bit early, and went and sat by myself.. I thought that was stupid cuz I wouldn't meet anyone that way, and therefore got up and sat with someone... then when she walked in, she was going to do the same thing (sit by herself).. I looked at her, and told her to come sit with us. Tres out of character for kyle, no?!?! lol.. asking a pretty girl to come sit next to him... lol

Anyway, we clung together for the rest of the evening. A lot of other people who went yesterday seemed like great people too. But guess what, at the end of the night (on the bus ride home from Collosus, the theater we went to for a group seminar brainwashing thing) she asked what highschool I went to, and I told her the Woodlands.. she had a huge smile come over her face as she said that SHE herself went there too.. Which is pure CRAZYNESS because I dont remember her at all. She's one year under me, so I went looking through the yearbook. There was only one person I could find that had the same name as her (first name.. didn't know her last name). but DAMN!! all I've gotta say is that if they're the same person, she REALLY grew into herself... "it's like, woah!".... may I repeat, DAMN...

So much so that I'm not even sure who I was looking at in the yearbook was the same person. but I Will find out! hehe

anyway, she left, and I started talking with these other people... Working with those people looks like it's gonna be a ton of fun.. =)

So that's my mondo-blog for today.. I may write another one tonite, I dont know.. Depends how I feel. =)

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Saturday, May 10, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meat Loaf - Thanks Jess.. lol =P

Has anyone ever thought that there are no coinsidences? Has this thought ever come to you?

It's absolutely remarkable if you were to sit down and just think about this concept.

From little things like always noticing patterns on a digital clock (ie. 11:11, 12:34, etc), to things on a much larger scale, it truly is amazing.

For example, the year 1977 has been popping up ALL over the place in my life lately. I've always been a slight Elvis fan. Not one to go out and buy all (or any, for that matter) of his records.. nor am I one to go to any conventions, or even dream about buying a sequin jumpsuit. But just the mystery, shear power and heart that went into his singing, and the question "what would he be doing if he were still alive today?" keep me intregued with him. I'll go a period where I couldn't care less, then I'll go some time where I just love listening to his music, then back again.
In fact, knowing that, I'm sure many of you are thinking that's why I grew out my sideburns... lol, well the truth is that the chin hair that I'm also growing is there for the lone purpose of taking attention away from that, cuz it just isn't true. lol

ANYway, back to my point. I've been on an Elvis kick lately. Downloading anything I can on the guy. I even just downloaded his last concert today (June 21, 1977 - 6 weeks before his death). But there's the first instance of 1977.

Second instance - Starwars. I've also been on a massive Starwars kick lately. I think I've watched Episode 2 about 5 times this month alone (got the dvd). I love the series, and cant wait for the next one to come out. When was the first movie released? 1977.

Everyone knows of the upcoming Incredible Hulk movie. It's just one of the many movies that Hollywood is stealing from comic books in recent years. It started with XMen (well, if you want to go back far enough, it started with Superman and The Flash, but I'm talking about the recent splurge of comic material hitting the silver screen). Anyway, Hulk is going to prove itself to be just as big (if not bigger) than it's comic turned to big-screen counterparts. But there was already a Hulk movie made, did you know that? Oh yea, it stared Bill Bixby, and was released in... 1977.

Now I'm not saying that 1977 has some weird significance, or is the center point in the space-time continuum.. but it is weird.

tell me, do you often look at the clock and find that it's 11:11, or 12:34, or 12:12... or your birthday? ever see that one? (mine, Jan 3rd, being 1:03).. take a note of it when it happens.. you'll surprise yourself rather quickly.

Anyway, I'm sure all of you look at that and think that it truly is just a coinsidence, and that my theory of there not being any coinsidences is pure hogwash, but it's an interesting concept.

How about another?

My mother has been asking me to look up on the internet for dealers who might still sell some crystal wine glasses she has because she would like some more. I look, but find nothing, considering the only information she gave me was that the name of the crystal is "exquisite". Oh come on, in a place where keywords are your only real means of finding information, I'm supposed to type in "exquisite crystal", and hope that there aren't a million other crystal companies out there who call their crystal 'exquisite'?

I get a call from my mother's aunt 2 days ago. She asks me to have my mum call her back because she was wondering if she was looking to buy some crystal. It turns out that her church is having a sale, and there were 8 crystal wine glasses on sale. The same series as the ones my mum asked me to look for! lol.. it's crazy!!!
now, it turns out that although in the same series, they weren't the right models... but I still count this! hehe

In all actuality, I sat here tonite thinking that I should write a blog entry, and I figured that this was a pretty interesting topic and could write about it. I'm sure my examples seem silly, but it is something to think about.

Anyway, enough with that now. My one track mind is changing tracks. My day? lol.. well I got up at 2:30, sat around... downloaded a bunch of stuff... went out to dinner to Swiss Chalet (oh joy!!!), and came back here.

Oh, I do have one thing to report. Before going out to dinner, I got a call back from one of the places I left a resume at yesterday. I got offered a job to work at Collesium 10. It's not my top pick of places to want to work this summer, but it will do. I mean, they're pretty flexable with the hours, as well as the fact that it'd be money in my pocket that wouldn't normally be there. I'm not going to complain, even if I do have to ask about a million people a day if they would like "topping" on their popcorn. (Maybe they'll actually tell me what that "topping" consists of!!!..... maybe not.)

Indeed.. anyway, it works out well. I'm a complete movie buff, and working in a theater would be fantastic..... hopefully.

it's also pretty sound that I'm going to get offered a job at SegaCity too... now the pay there is only $7.50/hr, but again, better than the $0.00/hour I was gettin' paid to be my mom's lackie around the house.

Note to all who are looking for a job - the Collesium is hiring a whole wack of people... GO THERE!

and that has been my day today. Tomorrow is going to be another day of lounging about. I spent a lot of time today searching around for entertainment in the GTA this weekend, and came up with nothing... stupid Toronto... lol

Anyway all, I'm out for now.

Oh yea, my Song of Choice for today, Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meat Loaf, a song brought to my attention by Jessica a couple weeks ago, was written in 1977. hmmmmm....

Until next time........
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Thursday, May 08, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Jive Talkin' - Beegees

I'm totally puzzled tonite. There are SO many things that I want to talk about. I've written about 4 different topics in this one blog entry and I've erased each and every one of them. My first topic was about how I was longing for something (one..?) - but I cant write about that... it would only cause trouble. The second is that I'm worried... Again, I shouldn't write about that because it might cause unnecessary grief. The third was about my day today (which I'll get to... just not right away.) The fourth was about silly movie trailers... go figure.

So let's just take this blog entry in stride and hope, when all is said and done, that I write something where at the end of which, you dont go "huh?".

First of all, let's bring up my favourite list again.. my 'to do' list....

1. Buy a file cabinet for all of my notes and sort out my notes into the cabinet.
2. Get my OmegaCAM up and running again (It's EVER so close now! =D )
3. Get my new website finished and posted.
4. Set up my eBay account (username: Cow_Bell) to be able to start selling.
5. Call Jessica - I missed calling her today =(
6. Do to the back grass what I did to the front grass...
7. Call Jessica - crossed off then readded... why? if you have to ask me, then u obviously dont know me. =P

Alright - I've been a fart lately. I went out once yesterday to look for a job. Mega Wraps looks promising, although only for a weekend position. That's ALL I've done lately. I'm fully taking advantage of this magical concept of a 4 month long summer break.. but I can fully guarantee that it's gonna kill me... Make me a lazy lil mofo..

wait... I already am a lazy lil mofo..

moving on...

My Day. What did I do today. I was going to continue my hunt for a job today, but I didn't end up doing that. Instead I lazed around here with a headache, and just wasted yet another day away. Actually, no.. I did laundry. I now have clean clothes to wear.

Then Erin called me. "I haven't talked to you for so long! It's like you've gone into hiding!!!" Well, she's not entirely wrong. I have. What have I been hiding from? We'll save that for another post.

Anyway, I finished on the phone with her and then Christa calls to set up our plans for tonite. Christa, Ferhanna, and myself are supposed to go see XMen2 tonite. Great flick, by the way. Christa picked me up and the three of us made our way to AMC, where I had this urge... And please let me know if I'm the ONLY one who has thought about it.. My urge was an uncanny need to see the face behind the dude always doing those voice-overs for movie trailers. You know the guy I'm talking about. The one that always says "In a time where..." or "In a land where..." at the start of all those trailers? (Side note - why is it always "in a time" or "in a land"? why is it never "in a butcher shop", or "in a cremation center"? Yes, I know. I'm sick. moving right along.....) Yes, my need to see this guy's face has brought me to the internet, but with no avail.

I wanna know why it's HIM...

How did HE get the job???

Is he related to Mr. MoviePhone???

Anyway, after the previews, my mind starts to wander.

Jessica. Oye..

Sweetheart, I know you read this, and all I've got to say is that it isn't me who brings out a side of you which doesn't feel a need to cry. (www.love_indifference_hate.blogspot.com). But I'm very thankful that you see me that way. You have been there for me so often. And all I can do is promise to be there for you. I was there before your slump.. I'm there for you now, and I'll be there with you when you come out of it.

Anyway, she has been a very large topic among what is going on inside of my head lately. Even tonite while I was sitting in the movie theater, I found myself looking for an answer as to why I was thinking more about her than the actual movie. Did I come to an answer?

No. Not to a realistic one at least. So I will keep searching.

it is now 2 hours since I started writing this.... why has it taken so long for me to do it? I dont know..

anyway, after the movie we went to TimHortons (corner of Burnhamthorpe and CreditView.. the Woodlands hangout, or so it seems.) And met up with a bunch of people from my old highschool - from last year, and many years ago. Joyce Lee and Jessica Tuazon. Jess I've known forever - since Kindergarten as a matter of fact! and then there's Joyce, who is just my crazy lil cutie with dimples that'd drive any guy bonkers.. lol (Joyce, if you ever read this, face it... it's true. hehehe =P) Ahh.. it was good to catch up with the two of them - I haven't talked to either one for such a long time.

We ran into Kevin Richards too, but he didn't really acknowledge our existence, so not much to report there. lol

Along with a bunch of other Woodlanders who dont really mean much to me.

After that I was dropped off at home and that's where I came online only to be greeted by...... nobody, actually.. it was 12:30, and not one person was online. it was tres weird.

I was hoping to talk to Julia tonite... our last conversation has been playing over and over in my head. I'm very disappointed that it got to the point that it did, but we did get a great deal off of our chests.. me, especially..

Julia, if you ever read this, I'm not sorry for anything that was said, just as you shouldn't be either, but I am sorry with how I came across. If I made you feel small in any way, I am deeply sorry. I should have found a way to communicate with you that was a little less destructive.

Anyway, I think I managed to get out everything I wanted to tonite..

oh, one more thing...

invasion of privacy
n : the wrongful intrusion by individuals into one's personal belongings or space.

Until next time......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Tuesday, May 06, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Are You Lonesome Tonight - Elvis Presley

I hate it when people do this, but these lines say it all... it's an monologue from the Song of Choice: Are You Lonesome Tonight.

I wonder if you're lonesome tonight. You know someone said That the world's a stage And each must play a part.
Fate had me playing in love And you as my sweetheart.
Act one was when we met.
I loved you at first glance. You read your line so cleverly And never missed a cue.
Then came act two.
You seemed to change And you acted strange, And why I'll never know.
Honey, you lied When you said you loved me, And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies, Than to go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare, And I'm standing there With emptiness all around.
And if you won't come back to me, Then they can bring the curtain down.


So now let me ask you fellow bloggers and bloggies... is your heart filled with pain? Shall I come back again? Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

until next time...
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Sunday, May 04, 2003 ::

HAPPY STARWARS DAY!!!!
May the 4th be with you.... always.

:: Eldorado ::

Song of choice: I Fought the Lawn (er.. Law) and the Lawn (damn.. Law) Won - Bobby Fuller

I truly am tired..
why?
here's the skinny......

our pool winter cover is 40'x20'... it covers our entire lawn (and then some).. it's black on one side, silver on the other. every year in the spring, we take it off the pool, lay it out on the lawn, and hose it down with soap and water..

a couple years ago, we left it out too long... black side up..

it got REALLY hot..

and the silver side was down, so it just kept reflecting the heat undernearth..

anyway, long story short, we burnt the hell out of our lawn.. it looked like a hay field...

still kinda does, actually...

anyway, I vowed this summer that I'd get it green again.. so I cut it (3 big bags of clippings just to cut the bloody thing), then I raked up all the dead stuff (or some of it.. it's still pretty brown).

And that's going to be a new section on my website - Track the progress on my front lawn.. Totally pointless.. but that's the point! (it is it's own little paradox). Stay tuned for that! Possible Section titles include: The Young and the Grassless, or General Grass Hospital, or Days of our Lawns.

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the lawns of our lives

ok, what is still on my checklist? lets go back, shall we?

1. Sort out and find places for my summer and winter clothes.
2. Find a spot for my text books.
3. Buy a file cabinet for all of my notes and sort out my notes into the cabinet.
4. Get my OmegaCAM up and running again (yes you heard me.... the time is close! =) )
5. Find a spot for my scanner/printer... Probably on top of my file cabinet (when I get it)
6. Put up Posters I took down for rez.
7. Call in my tax return - that's an extra $127.50 in my pocket! *hopefully* for a wireless modem.... we'll see. or maybe even a brand new PalmTop...
8. get rid of the GARBAGE that has come to nest in my room.

Still gotta get a cabinet and get that camera up and running..
but I'm not going to get my camera up and running until I post my new website...
and I need to start selling some of my crap too... so my new ToDo list is as follows:

1. Buy a file cabinet for all of my notes and sort out my notes into the cabinet.
2. Get my OmegaCAM up and running again (It's EVER so close now! =D )
3. Get my new website finished and posted.
4. Set up my eBay account (username: Cow_Bell) to be able to start selling.
5. Call Jessica - I missed calling her today =(
6. Do to the back grass what I did to the front grass...

That's all for now.. Julia has left me on MSN, so it's time to go to sleep.....
Tomorrow is totally action packed!
I get to help my mum put up new shelves in her basement of her new store... and I might be going out with Christa!!
Look out Mississauga!!! we're cuttin' loose tomorrow nite... together!!!!! are YOU ready?? *evil laugh*

Until next time......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Friday, May 02, 2003 ::

Song of choice: Everybody Hurts - REM... - Yes, I know I've already chosen this song.. but it's soooooooo good, I had to post it again...

This post might offend some people, but I assure you that this isn't intended to point fingers at someone. There are probably a dozen of you out there who, after reading this post, will say "he was talking about me!!! I'm so gonna kick his ass!". But do you want to know something? You're only going to think that because everyone is guilty of what I am about to talk about. You, me, everyone. You've either done this to someone, or had someone do this to you. So just sit back, grab a coke, and read on.

Think of the people you know. How many of them are involved in some sort of romantic relationship?
How many of them are feeling TRUE LOVE?
How many of them have EVER felt true love?

I am reminded of something I read many years ago. "True love is about giving". It really isn't about what you get from the other person, but about what you are willing to give - and more importantly, what you are READY to give - to the other individual involved.

And as a slight disclaimer, no I'm not an expert in true love. I am not someone who knows a little but pretends to know all there is to know. I am merely sharing my thoughts, opinions, observations, and experiences through an over-generalized, omni-directional (stupid tech terminology), blog entry.

Whenever asked, I would say that love is a feeling that cant be explained. Why? Because love is completely subjective. It is based on personal feelings that no other person can completely understand. Sure, people can relate to aspects of another's love, but one can never completely understand another's love. Love is UNCONDITIONAL.

But even through all of this, there is one tiny thing that I cant bring myself to understand - and I, myself, am guilty of this as well. How can someone care so much, feel so much, do so much, for someone who has, time and time again, treated them poorly, cold-heartedly, and unfairly?

I often think to myself that some things just weren't meant to be, and want to beg the other person to just "let it go. suck it up. move on". even though I have never once told someone to "let it go." or to "suck it up." why? because a) this would be mean and rather narrow-minded, and I dont want to judge others in this way cuz i dont know how they really feel. And b) I have wanted to make the same plea to myself on more than one occasion. But my question.. my 'puzzlement'.. is WHY cant we do this? Why is it so human to love what we want to see instead of what we actually see???

Say person A feels unappreciated, angry, and upset at person Z. A tries to get over Z... time goes by.. and no matter what A tries, they JUST CANT DO IT. There is something inside A that cant stop caring.. something that wont allow them to say 'no' to person Z.
Why is it that one single phonecall or instant message from Z to A, even after all the pain has been inflicted, bring a smile to A's face? "A" would still jump at the chance to hear their voice, see their face, or contact them from a distance by means of which isn't exactly direct.. ALL to just get something from this other person. A reaction. Anything.
I've done it before. You have too. Email surveys, and answers to the infamous "have you ever fallen in love" question are a gold mine to find this sort of behaviour.

But what is this feeling that controls our poor souls? What did we ever do to the cosmos to deserve this? I can see the Ying, but where is my Yang? (ok, please dont quote that line directly out of context.. even though I'm sure half of you will).

I'm sure all of you see my point.. We are (generally) good people. People are generally good souls.

Is it our search for the application of the pleasure principle? Is it because we think that relationships are needed to live a good life, and we think that if we can falsely conjure up something that is close to reality, then that's just "good enough for now" ?

Someone please answer this for me...

Until next time.........

:: Eldorado ::