Wednesday, December 22, 2004 :: 9:26:00 PM

I've had the worst semester I've ever experienced. So much so that if the residence powers that be check my marks (and care) they could boot me....

on a lighter note, I went to the doctor yesterday. Something is wrong with me - I know it is. I know my random daydreams, my extremely...

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...short attention span, my extreme difficulty to formulate thoughts when speaking... my complete lack of effort, and incredibly low feeling of self worth... all of these point to something. I've experienced them for a long time, and I think it's about time to find out what it is.

Last year should have been my wake up call. When I missed those two weeks of school, had the "unidentified viral infection in my blood" (tell me that wouldn't scare the shit out of you if you heard your doctor tell you that), extreme dizzyness, and complete non-desire to eat.... that should have been my wake up call. Instead of focusing on getting back to my usual, "good" self, I should have been finding out why all of that happened at once.

I'm sure all of you who know me have experienced my dazed looks, my rough sentences...

That's why I went to the doctor yesterday. I told him my concerns, and he did a bunch of tests on me. I had to give blood, again... A lot of blood, again... My results should come in tomorrow morning. I'm doing this to rule out any physical problems... After this, it should tell my doc whether the problem is in my body, or my mind.. once we figure that out, we will act accordingly...

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Friday, December 17, 2004 ::

i need to wite a blog about how fucied I am, according to brian, that is..

I"m supposed to talk about how fucked school is and brian is.. according to him "montral is fucked".

i dont know what I'm typing, but i think he's checkin' on pizza... i''m soorry but i"m had a 26er of cyclone... and it's almost gone... brian cant judge right now because I'm falling over... his vodka is oh shit... it's oh shit.. it's "oh shit amount"..

we're so drunk.. exams are over, but he still has a project due...

:: Eldorado ::

Tuesday, December 14, 2004 ::

It happened again. The monster came back.

I knew it was going to happen, all he needed was time. And he didn't sneak up on me, either. It came at me like a freight train throttled to the max, running over an insignificant little ant. I was the ant.

The monster is a familiar one. I've met him once before, actually. He is definitely not one of my best friends. He makes me cry, shake uncontrolably, clutch to anyone willing to give him a hug with everything I have one minute, but push them away the next... and he makes me think things that no sane person would ever dream about.

This monster also pushes me to want to take walks... fairly short walks... walks that end up with me standing in the middle of the woods with some friends, and hid from any security cameras. When I return from these walks my mind is usually more cloudy than when I left, but clouded with different things - usually chocolate bars and peanut butter...

I fight the monster off as much as possible in these cases, though. I admit it hasn't been often, but he's got the better of me a couple times. I dont blame him for enjoying these times, though. It's not often people get the better of me.

This monster is also forcing me to miss my friends. The people I have here are great, dont get me wrong. But that doesn't mean that I dont ache to see all of you. This ache comes at the expense of giving in to the monster, but this is something that I know he is trying to help me with.

The monster crippled me this weekend. Saturday was the worst day I can remember since the time I found myself on my kitchen floor at home. Sunday was worse. I had to call home while I was working - I just couldn't handle the shrieking silence. My sister was home and she was just trying to call me, actually. She had some fantastic news - she's engaged!!! HA! Take that, Mr. Monster. Finally a jab from me to you. you deserved that one... He admits that he does, but gloats that he's still winning shot for shot.

But I'll have you know, Monster... You've made a mistake. You have showed me in the last couple days how much support I really have, and where it was once just one to pick on is now many. Do your worst - I'm ready for you, with my fists held high.

There's just one problem - I'm the monster...

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::

Saturday, December 04, 2004 ::

does this bug anyone else?
I went looking through my e-tracker, and someone clicked through to my site after searching for "strange phone calls warning that someone is in trouble" on Yahoo.

lol - eerie.

anyway, pay less attention to this post and more to the post directly under this one...

:: Eldorado ::

Friday, December 03, 2004 ::

Alright, this post actually has reason....
New Years Eve is coming up on us rather quickly, and we are totally without a plan! I know a lot of people aren't going to be able to make it this year (silly people who are out of the country are S.O.L.! =P) But I thought I'd get some sort of ball rolling.... I know those that will be involved (christa, jessica, robbie, chrissy, david etc...) all visit here from time to time, and so this can be a good core to get some sort of word out....

Basically just looking for ideas about new years eve... where, mostly...

you may be saying "kyle, why aren't you planning anything?"
Oh, but I have!!! I've set a date.. Friday December 31, 2004.... figured that'd be a good day to have this shindig...
Worse comes to worse, I'm sure we might be able to have something here in rez... my room is a fair size, and I'm close enough to the lounge that we could migrate between the two... but that's far from ideal... so what else have you got? let your opinions be heard!

see the comment link? you know what to do....

:: Eldorado ::

Wednesday, December 01, 2004 ::

Song of Choice: Hell 'Aint a Bad Place to Be - ACDC

Science Students on Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a UMass chemistry
mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now
have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

*************

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed), or some variant. One
student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to
Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that
if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in
Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature
and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be
true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God!"

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".

:: Eldorado ::