It's another Monday... it's another start to a boring-ass week...
Fido still hasn't called me back, those punks... I'm gonna call back and raise a lil hell...
What mood am I in tonite? I believe "blah" will describe it quite nicely, but lets recap the last few days shall we?
I went down to that pet shop behind the office last friday where I was introduced to a girl - Paula. She's a relatively successful young actress, and seemed like a really nice girl - one who was genuinely happy with what she was doing, and I admire that. She (like her mother) has this really deep love for animals. I really wished she lived closer to here, she seems like a great person to get to know...
...or at least I thought so until she showed me a picture of a pump-action 9mm (i believe) rifle coloured in charcoal/white fatigues... Then she assured me that it would ONLY be used for target practice..... I believed her. lol
Anyway, that was my friday afternoon that I didn't mention in my last post...
Sunday? oh well - Sunday... only two words can explain Sunday - Budgie Beats!!!!!!
that's right, I've finished the long anticipated infomercial I was making for my uncle to get his male and female budgies "bumpin' "... we shall now see if it works..
it was great. I did the whole thing in Flash, and it looked exactly like those "2 CD or 2 Cassettes - call now!" commercials u see on TV all the time. I may post it on my website (www.omegavoid.vze.com) if I can compress it to a suitable size..)
Featured artists: Barry White, Marvin Gaye, and Hot Chocolate......... one word: beautiful.
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It is now some time later... my mood is still blah.. I need something, and something SOON, to come down and swoop in to pick me back up again. I'm happy on the outside, but there are bits and pieces of me on the inside that are just falling... falling into nothingness... a black that is so baron that not even sound exists within it. Is this to be my life? I'm not there yet, but I fear for the worst. You know those little infamous "what if" questions that jessica was floating around her blog (www.love_indifference_hate.blogspot.com) a while ago that I told her would drive her batty if she thought about them? I'm (of course) now guilty of the same thing...
Oh how I thirst for the feeling of someone beneath my hand... the warmth of someone sitting close to me... the feeling of tension the first time you reach for their hand, the first time you kiss, the first time you admit your love for them... tension, anticipation, excitement, FEAR..... I miss it all.
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Alright, it's AGAIN some time later.. I'm sorry, I seem really distracted tonite because I am. I just got finished reading something I wasn't happy was written, and am starting to think that the "my blog, my rules" motif is, although applicable in all cases, should be respected in a much lighter sense. It may be "legally" acceptable, by this "my blog" rule to say what you want.. but does that entitle you to totally cast off all else? does that make it right?
I dont want to dwell on this tonite. I dont want to get into any "dangerous territory"... at least not this kind of "dangerous territory"...
Anyway all, I'm tired, frustrated, saddened, tired, defeated, achy, and tired....
*sigh* - why is it that the ones we love are often the ones that can hurt us the most, even if they're not trying to? I mean, it's not like I've been hurt by something someone said or did... but I'm hurt because of someone.. because someone close to me, someone I care very much about, is hurt... love, I wish for you to be well soon...
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 ::
12:25:00 AM
