Tuesday, December 14, 2004 :: 8:29:00 PM

It happened again. The monster came back.

I knew it was going to happen, all he needed was time. And he didn't sneak up on me, either. It came at me like a freight train throttled to the max, running over an insignificant little ant. I was the ant.

The monster is a familiar one. I've met him once before, actually. He is definitely not one of my best friends. He makes me cry, shake uncontrolably, clutch to anyone willing to give him a hug with everything I have one minute, but push them away the next... and he makes me think things that no sane person would ever dream about.

This monster also pushes me to want to take walks... fairly short walks... walks that end up with me standing in the middle of the woods with some friends, and hid from any security cameras. When I return from these walks my mind is usually more cloudy than when I left, but clouded with different things - usually chocolate bars and peanut butter...

I fight the monster off as much as possible in these cases, though. I admit it hasn't been often, but he's got the better of me a couple times. I dont blame him for enjoying these times, though. It's not often people get the better of me.

This monster is also forcing me to miss my friends. The people I have here are great, dont get me wrong. But that doesn't mean that I dont ache to see all of you. This ache comes at the expense of giving in to the monster, but this is something that I know he is trying to help me with.

The monster crippled me this weekend. Saturday was the worst day I can remember since the time I found myself on my kitchen floor at home. Sunday was worse. I had to call home while I was working - I just couldn't handle the shrieking silence. My sister was home and she was just trying to call me, actually. She had some fantastic news - she's engaged!!! HA! Take that, Mr. Monster. Finally a jab from me to you. you deserved that one... He admits that he does, but gloats that he's still winning shot for shot.

But I'll have you know, Monster... You've made a mistake. You have showed me in the last couple days how much support I really have, and where it was once just one to pick on is now many. Do your worst - I'm ready for you, with my fists held high.

There's just one problem - I'm the monster...

Until next time.......
*fade to black*

:: Eldorado ::